out of work, out of friends

When Polly lost her job, she wasn't too upset because she had a huge circle of friends and was pretty sure that one of them would help her find a new job quickly.

"I started networking straight away," says Polly, "and let everyone know my circumstances and how much I'd appreciate their help in any way towards finding me a new job."

"In the first month of being unemployed I contacted over a hundred people," says Polly. "Most I contacted by telephone, but some I wrote to because they lived too far away and I didn't want to run up a huge telephone bill."

"In the second month of being unemployed I relaxed a bit and looked forward to my efforts reaping a bit of reward," explains Polly, "but I sat by the telephone day after day and checked the mail and only four of the hundred or so people I had contacted bothered to catch up with me."

"Of those four people," sighs Polly, "only one was helpful in being very happy to keep an eye out for any job openings she heard of and to give me a job reference should I need one."

"The other three people who responded to my request for help in finding a new job turned out to be more of a hindrance to my job seeking efforts than a help," sighed Polly.

"Frankly, the ninety-six people who didn't bother to do anything to help me were more honest about their interest in helping me than the three people who pretended to care and made my job seeking efforts more difficult than ever."

"I was vulnerable and eager to please everyone in the early months of being unemployed," explains Polly, "and these three people took advantage of my circumstances to serve their own ulterior motives."

"One was a guy I had worked with in a previous job who promised to put in a good word for me with his present employer but all he really wanted was to wear me down with endless telephone calls in hope of getting into my pants."

"This guy ended up telephoning me every day," says Polly, "and he'd waste so much of my time talking about rubbish that I had to tell him not to telephone me any more. I had asked for his help in finding me a job and I wasn't going to allow him to twist the situation into one where he was trying to form a romantic alliance with me."

"The second fair weather friend in my job searching period was, surprisingly, an old school friend," says Polly. "She had a very high profile government job and could quite easily have found me a short-term contract job within her department to tide me over until I found a permanent job, but she behaved abominably towards me."

"She rang me back about a month after I first called her," explains Polly, "and we went out for lunch but all she wanted to talk about was her marital troubles."

"I paid for lunch," laughs Polly, "and sat there for three hours listening to her marital woes and whenever I raised the subject of job opportunities she acted coyly."

"I got the distinct impression that she actually enjoyed my discomfiture," confides Polly. "and this really disturbed me because you really don't expect an old school friend to play power games with you."

"I had never really been in a 'down' situation before losing my job," explains Polly, "so I had no idea how any of my friends would react when I asked them for help."

"If adversity sorts the wheat from the chaff and separates the good friends from the fair weather friends," laughs Polly, "then I suggest that everyone should manufacture a crisis very early in life in order to test their friends!"

"The third and final fair weather friend was a girl who had done some temp work at my old company," says Polly.

"We had gotten along great together," explains Polly, "and when she said she'd put in a great reference for me if I signed up at her temp agency I went ahead and did so."

"I smelled a rat when the agency never called me," laughs Polly. "My friend was boasting about all the temp jobs she was getting, and refusing, and saying things to me that made me feel bad - such as, 'haven't you found a job yet?' and 'maybe you should lower your sights and work in a shop or something'."

"I don't believe she put in a good word for me at all," sighs Polly, "and I wouldn't be surprised if she actually told the agency not to hire me!"

"No, I'm not being ridiculous," says Polly. "I trust my gut feelings and accept that some friends are helpful and some friends aren't, and other friends can turn out to be downright nasty when the chips are down."

"One helpful friend out of a hundred doesn't sound much," sighs Polly, "but one helpful friend is all I really need and I'm grateful for her."

"When we're down we need friends to pick us up and help us - not drag us down further than we are already," laughs Polly. "So from now on I'm adopting a tough stand with the people in my life - if they're not helping me, they're hindering me!"

Polly's story first appeared as job hindering friends

relocating and networking

Binnie's family moved to a new state shortly after she graduated and not being able to support herself she moved with them. In doing so, Binnie lost easy access to the most valuable resource for gaining a job - contacts!

Undaunted, Binnie kept in close touch with her old contacts and set about starting up a brand new network of contacts in her new area.

"I knew that the only way I was going to get a job was through recommendation," explains Binnie, "so I had to work hard on all the people I already knew as well as getting out and about in my new area in order to make new contacts."

Binnie started by making a list of all the people she knew. Everyone.

"Before I started networking with new people I practiced on the people I did know," explains Binnie. "I called everyone on my list and let them know that I was looking for a job and asked them to keep me in mind when they went about their daily business. Old Uncle Harry may be retired, but he probably knows quite a lot of people in positions of power at his local club, and same thing goes for my old college teachers. Being in a different area made things difficult, but the world is a small place. You never know who can help."

Next, Binnie scanned the papers, particularly the local paper, for events. People in positions of power attend events and she needed to get her face and name known - as well as her situation.

"I checked out everything," laughs Binnie. "Political party meetings, rallies, local P & C meetings, lectures, etc. You name it, I checked it out, even though I was sometimes totally out of place."

"I then started a second list and added to it all the names of the people I met at local events," says Binnie. "And alongside their names, I added comments as well as their telephone numbers and addresses. I got a business card printed very cheaply, and exchanged my card with everyone I met. Within weeks, I had collected hundreds of cards!"

Next, Binnie checked the telephone book for local clubs. Chess, bridge, tennis, Rotary, whatever!

"You don't need to fork out hefty fees to join these clubs," says Binnie. "Most of them have free access for visitors, and I went along and got myself known at lots of local clubs. The best places to network are the local business clubs where powerful people hang out."

"I then started a third list and added to it all the names of the people I had met at local clubs," says Binnie. "With three lists of contacts, I then had a database of over 1,000 people. I sorted them into helpful and unhelpful contacts, and then strengthened my bond with the helpful contacts by calling them regularly and continuing to attend the events and the clubs that they went to."

"I also roped my family into networking for me," laughs Binnie. "Mom doesn't work but she talks me up big to everyone she meets at the mall, and dad is asking around at work if anyone wants to hire a bright young graduate."

"I also gained my parents' permission to do some entertaining at home," says Binnie. "It was a bit inconvenient at the start because we had just moved into the house, but entertaining at home is vital for networking. People get to see your family and where you live. Hopefully they'll be impressed!"

"I had small dinner parties for a few select new contacts," says Binnie, "and large open-house parties where everyone was welcome to drop by."

"Because networking takes time and trust must be developed," explains Binnie, "I don't expect things to happen quickly. I'm expecting to get results within a year."

Binnie has already got a few 'bites' but they are not exactly what she wants. She still turns up to attend the job interviews that her contacts arrange for her on the basis that she is new on the networking scene and understands that people may not be willing to recommend her without reservation. They are testing her.

"Personal recommendations are worth more than you can ever imagine," explains Binnie. "Whatever offer I get is made on the provision that I will make good. I show them that I'm serious, and willing to go along with whatever is offered. The outcome of every job interview I attend on a personal recommendation is going to get back to the source. Even if the job is not what I want, it's important for me to be courteous. If I'm good enough, then even the employers whose jobs I reject are going to be willing to help me. At least I hope so!"

"Becoming a networker is not only the best way to find a job but also the best way to overcome unemployment blues," says Binnie. "I've made some great new contacts and I'm absolutely positive that ultimately I'll get the dream job I want."