management team means no boss

Although in partnership with her husband before their business and marriage went bust, Ivy was essentially a stay at home mom. Returning to work as a paid employee was thus a shock to her system over and above the usual return to work adjustments of a single mother but nothing prepared her for the 'management team'.

"I have two small children at home," explains Ivy, "and balancing my life between the kids and work is a constant worry I didn't have before. If that wasn't bad enough, when I last had a job at the age of 21 I remember workplaces as having one person in charge, and everybody knew exactly who the boss was. He was 'the man' and if nothing else you gave him respect."

Ivy's return to work job is with a large corporation and she has discovered that the 'boss' consists of a management team.

"Rather than one person giving orders," laughs Ivy, "I have to deal with three guys bossing me around and because each manager has his or her own personal agenda I'm having nightmares prioritizing the work I do for them. I hate being bossed around like a kid!"

Ivy is learning that 'teamwork' is responsible for so many bosses around workplaces these days.

Unfortunately, most of the factors relevant to how teamwork became adopted by management gurus as the perfect way to run a commercial organization apply not only to staff, but management, too.

"The theory behind teamwork - that nobody is indispensable, that we are all replaceable cogs in a machine and are unlikely to be given an area of work over which we have total control - is relaxed a fair bit when it is applied to management," says Ivy.

"Managers very clearly do have an area over which they have control - managing staff," says Ivy, "but they are also required to act in cohort with other managers - as well as reporting to their superiors - and this is where I often find myself between a rock and a hard place."

"I understand the business side of this, " says Ivy. "Basically, the shareholders in any publicly listed company determine a great deal of what goes on in the coalface. Profits must be maximized and losses minimized. The company directors are the slaves of the shareholders, the management team is the slave of the company directors, and staff members like me are the slaves of the management team."

It is a very clear pecking order and Ivy is at the bottom of it.

"Because the lowlife slaves like me are considered to be dispensable and not likely to be in a job for long," says Ivy, "there is very little camaraderie between managers and staff and the company directors are all but invisible people."

"I hate the 'them and us divide' in the company, "says Ivy. "When my ex-husband and I ran a small business we were on very good terms with our employees. I would never dream of putting myself above someone who worked for me. That's abominable. But I put up with it every day where I work."

"While the 'management team' arrangement has an advantage in that you are not stuck with one person whom you may not like," says Ivy, "it has far more disadvantages."

"As with all teams there are personality clashes," says Ivy, "and I've discovered that management teams are likely to have far bigger personality clashes than staff teams because their egos are bigger."

"Each manager will have his or her own personal agenda, so getting to know how each member of the management team ticks takes a lot more time and energy than applying this exercise to one person."

"Working for a management team," sighs Ivy, "is a real nightmare because I have to prioritize and decide who is more important. If I please X and do his work first, Y and Z are going to dislike me - and so it goes on."

Ivy has been told that managers are not as pleasant to work for as their superiors - the directors - but being a return to work mother made her ineligible for a job higher up in the pecking order.

"It's a bit like the division between generations," says Ivy. "My kids tend to get on a lot better with their grandparents than they do with my ex-husband and I, and that's just as well because my mom looks after them for me before and after school."

Ivy has had a job offer from a couple she once knew while running her own business.

"The pay would be much more than I'm getting now, and I know that this family business treats staff as part of the family rather than as a 'servant'," says Ivy. "But, I also know that the couple are having marital problems and while the business is likely to last the marriage won't and I don't really want to get involved. Been there, done that!"

"Also," adds Ivy, "I've heard from one of their employees that the couple tend to keep staff back working late until they are ready to keep some fancy restaurant appointment, and this is a bit gross because I need to get home, cook dinner for my kids and get them to bed."

Having too many people bossing you around at work is really not a good scene but Ivy thinks it is probably better than working for a family business.

"In a big organization," says Ivy, "there’s a grievance system in place to sort out any problem with the management team. In a small business, there is nobody 'higher up' to complain to. I guess I just have to knuckle down and do my time until I can move up into an executive position where I'll have one boss - not a team of them!"

what’s a CV?

Tahlia is 43 and now that her children are grown up enough to look after themselves she is enthusiastic and excited about returning to work and being able to build up a nest egg.

Putting the kids through school cost Tahlia and her husband a lot more money than they had expected.

"We have very little saved for our retirement," explains Tahlia, "so I'm eager to get back to work, make some money and start a savings plan to make up for lost time."

"I don't mind what type of work I do -- which is a great plus in my favor," says Tahlia, "but I'm having a lot of trouble finding work."

For starters, Tahlia had no idea that she would need a resume or a CV -- a
curriculum vitae -- in order to apply for a job. She thought only school leavers, starting their first job, needed to carry around a portfolio of their qualifications and references.

"The last time I worked, nobody needed a resume," says Tahlia, "and it infuriates me that I have to document my life on paper in order to apply for an ordinary old job."

Her problem is made worse by the fact that she has only done voluntary work in the past twenty years -- most of which was associated with various stages of her children's development.

Tahlia has the same problem as school-leavers -- most of whom have never worked, not even in a voluntary capacity -- and because Tahlia does have work experience in a voluntary capacity her resume is really not going to be much different from that of somebody who has been in paid employment for the past twenty years.

When Tahlia sat down to document her skills and the various community organizations she had worked for in a voluntary capacity over the past twenty years, the list was formidable.

"There was nothing that I hadn't done, or didn't have the capacity to do," laughs Tahlia. "But employers aren't interested in what anybody did twenty years ago, let alone five years ago, so my main objective is to concentrate on skills and voluntary work experience of the past two years."

Unfortunately, Tahlia hadn't done much voluntary work in the past two years, so she wracked her brains about other things she had done and realized that she had helped a lot of people with their taxation returns.

"From what I've read in the job ads," says Tahlia, "knowledge of accountancy and being able to understand complicated tax laws are skills that are in high demand, so I needed to stretch them out to the max."

"I gained earth science qualifications after I left school," confides Tahlia, "but such qualifications are far too old to be valid in today's world."

"I know that lots of how-to-get-a-job books say that even old qualifications have some value in that people who have applied themselves to gaining a qualification are seen as dedicated, organized and literate," says Tahlia, "but I don't think that's relevant advice for return to work moms."

"After I gain some work experience I hope to use my qualifications in a more professional resume in order to get a position more in keeping with my worth," confides Tahlia, "but until then I'm concentrating on finding a job -- any job -- and for this I just need a basic resume."

"The basic resume is just for basic unskilled jobs," explains Tahlia. "In it, I'm accentuating my people skills and mentioning my accountancy skills as icing. I don't expect to get a job as an accountancy clerk straight off, but I might get a foot in the door of an accountancy firm as a receptionist or administration assistant."

No matter what sort of job Tahlia gets -- in a shop, factory or office -- she appreciates that her ability to get along with people is paramount because she will inevitably be the first point of contact with customers. Most entry level, low paying jobs, are going to be in the customer service field.

"I gear my basic resume to whatever type of job I'm applying for," explains Tahlia. "For instance, if it is a customer service representative position, then I put telephone and communication skills at the top of the list and accentuate them. If it is a factory position, then I accentuate my manual dexterity and even my stamina!"

"If it's general office work, then I put typing right at the top of my skills list and fudge my typing speed," laughs Tahlia. "I can't type more than 35 wpm but most people are slow at typing when they first return to work and employers should understand that. Nobody is going to notice my slow typing and with daily practice I'll probably end up doing 100 wpm!"

Once Tahlia got her basic resume typed and started applying for jobs, she was thrilled to pieces!

"I had wasted so much time fumbling around looking for jobs without knowing what I was doing," sighs Tahlia. "It really makes a difference when you can call yourself a well-organized job seeker!"

She's a great communicator and has a good attitude and she should have little difficulty finding a basic job.

"It may not be the type of job that I want to do for the next twenty years of my working life," laughs Tahlia, "but it will be a start, paying money and that, after all, is my basic motivating factor for getting back to work."

"Money, money, money! I want tons of it for our retirement."

competing for community jobs

Now that Franca's children are in high school, she wants to do something worthwhile with her spare time. Community work appealed but her experience of organized community work led her to become a freelance volunteer in much the same way that paid workers turn to freelance work.


"I was very enthusiastic about joining a particular community organization until my eyes were opened by what I experienced," says Franca.

"I think too many women go into community work with shut eyes and unrealistic expectations," laughs Franca, "and I was one of them."

"The first thing I learned is that as the pool of unemployed and retired people gets larger, the pool of good community jobs diminishes and, naturally, the high profile community jobs are going to be in high demand - and you have to compete pretty ruthlessly for them."

"So," explains Franca, "when I went to apply for a community job I ended up having as much difficulty as I would have had applying for a real, paying job."

"I am not interested in looking for a real paying job," explains Franca. "I have a husband earning a good income and he expects me to be a full-time wife and mother. But if I were looking for a real job I would be humiliated to be rejected for it."

"Imagine my humiliation to be rejected for an unpaid community job!"

"I could not believe that applying for a community job was going to be as difficult as applying for a paying job."

"When you’re offering your services gratis," laughs Franca, "you don’t expect laborious application procedures, interviews and rejection slips - but believe me it happens."

"A lot of the community organizations are highly political, too," says Franca, "and I was a fool to rush into community work thinking that with my social standing I would be snapped up and treated like a queen. I wasn't!"

"Also, despite their name," warns Franca, "most community organizations have paid staff. When you work in a voluntary capacity for such an organization you are clearly defined as a volunteer. There is a clear and wide divide between paid staff and community staff."

"Unfortunately, as any in corporation, there is likely to be a ‘we are better than you’ mentality operating in some of these community organizations," explains Franca, "and if this is likely to annoy you as much as it annoys me then community work is not for you!"

"Also," adds Franca," I would feel very uncomfortable working alongside someone who is getting paid for what I am doing for free - it doesn't make sense."

"A community organization shouldn't be squandering donated money on salaries. It is a travesty of the whole purpose of a community organization for people to be earning a living off money donated by you and I to help the poor or disadvantaged."

"In return for offering my services free I expected to be accepted for an interesting position holding a certain amount of social status and power - as befitting my social standing in the real world," says Franca, "but these jobs generally go to retired public servants through the old boys' or girls' network."

"In fact," says Franca, "the whole hierarchy of some community organizations is almost exclusively filled by people 70+ who were formerly politicians or public servants."

"You need to belong to the old boys' or old girls' network to get a good community job," sighs Franca, "and because the only community jobs that are available were beneath my dignity to do - I opted out completely."

"There's plenty of informal community work out there and that's what I'm doing now," says Franca. "I'm helping people in the community as an independent volunteer - I'm my own boss!"
Labels: community jobs, competing, moms, return to work, volunteering

office key v security pass

Return to work moms, like Jo, are often overwhelmed by the changes that have taken place since they last had a job, and being given a security pass rather a key to the office, shop or factory where they've found employment is a bit of a novelty at first but it soon becomes a real problem.

Jo presumes that there are still some jobs out there where you're given the key to the workplace and you don't have to think about it any more because it's attached to your key-ring along with the keys to everything else, but she fears that such jobs went out of fashion about the same time tea-ladies did.

"These days," says Jo, "more and more workplaces - even the small companies - are utilizing security-locking systems and being at work is fast taking on the feeling of being like an inmate in a prison."

Jo has been issued with a big fat ugly pass that neither fits in her pocket nor her purse. She either clips it onto her belt or attaches it to a chain and wears it around her neck like a noose.

"If you lose it - which is not hard to do," explains Jo, "you have to pay for its replacement. Knowing this, I became paranoid about losing the damn thing!"

Jo’s whiz kids at home tell her that security systems that work by palm, fingerprint or face recognition are already being used in some workplaces, but Jo imagines she’ll be in a rocking chair before that happens where she works.

In the meantime, Jo and most everyone else is stuck with security passes or even the necessity to remember a continually changing combination password code in order to enter places of employment.

"This security pass that I wear around my neck reminds me of my childhood," confides Jo. "I was an only child and my parents sent me to camps during the school holidays. Most of us were only children at the camps, and for the whole time we were there we were required to wear name tags. I felt like lost baggage or something. It was so dehumanizing."

The company Jo works for occupies three levels of an office block, and her job requires frequent trips up and down the elevator.

"You guessed it!" laughs Jo. "Even the elevators require a security key to operate them. If I am unable to insert the key quickly enough and press the right floor number, I’m taken on a merry ride either to the basement or the 50th floor or anywhere in between."

Frustrated by this system, the oft-stranded Jo removed the key from her neck-chain one day and in doing so it unfortunately slipped off the chain and fell through the gap between the elevator and the lobby floor.

Gaining access to her office after this accident required waiting in the lobby until someone ventured out and allowed her back in. That, of course, was the easy part. The hard part involved getting a replacement security key.

"Nobody believed me," laughed Jo. "It was probably easier for them to believe it was a ploy to obtain two security keys, one of which I intended to give to an industrial espionage agent who would enter the building in the dark of night and steal all the company's secrets!"

Everybody has a ridiculous story to tell about security passes and keys and codes and how difficult it is to work with the fear of losing or forgetting them, so it is understandable that Jo would prefer to work in a place that has low-security requirements.

However, unless she intends working as a park-ranger - and it is debatable whether even park-rangers can get away without a security pass of some description - it is almost inevitable that she will be lumbered with some type of security pass wherever she goes. It is therefore pointless for Jo to groan about security passes and the prison-like environment in which she works.

Jo begrudgingly accepts that the security is for her safety, too.

"One small mercy," laughs Jo, "is that I’m thankful that my job doesn’t require me to use a security pass to use the toilets. A lot of jobs do!"

dying for a window

Freda is experiencing a problem particular to return to work moms who have been accustomed to spending their days at home with plenty of natural light and sunshine. She is incarcerated in a windowless workplace.

"I had my last child at 35," explains Freda, "and I spent five glorious years at home raising my baby until my husband and I felt comfortable about me going back to work. I’m the baby of my own family, and I was largely neglected, so I wanted to give my last child the very best start in life."

"I expected lots of problems when I returned to work," says Freda, "and I had to face tons of them, but none affected me so badly as not having a window in my workplace."

A lot of people feel deprived without natural light and would gladly relinquish a windowless office of their own in exchange for a little desk that was bathed in natural light all day long even if it did mean sitting next to an obnoxious coworker, and Freda is one of these people.

In Freda’s workplace, there is absolutely no natural light - not even for the managing director. When she arrives early in the morning and leaves late at night, the only daylight she sees every day is that which she can catch during her lunch break.

"I work in a furniture store as a clerk," says Freda, "and I’ve got plenty of space in the back room but the artificial light is getting me down. I really miss not having a window to look out of."

"I’ve tried sticking a large picture of an outdoor scene on the wall facing me," laughs Freda, "but it just doesn’t work. There’s something about natural light and a view, even if it’s just a view of the factory next door, that makes a difference to my wellbeing."

Spending eight hours a day or more in artificial lighting is unpleasant, but as far as she knows it will not kill her. It’s possible, though, that Freda suffers from some seasonal affective disorder caused by lack of light, in which case her health could deteriorate and she should get this checked out.

"I haven’t been back at work long enough to know if it’s homesickness or working in a windowless backroom that’s causing my depression," sighs Freda, "but the job is otherwise satisfactory and I’m determined to grin and bear the fluorescent lighting as much as I can for as long as I can."

"I’m trying to get as much natural light and sunshine as I can during my lunch breaks and weekends," explains Freda, "and if all else fails I’ll get one of those ultra-violet lamps to give me a bit of artificial sunshine!"

"It’s something you never think about," says Freda. "When we’re home taking care of kids we take natural light and sunshine for granted. It’s only when you get a job like mine that you realize how devastating it can be to work in artificial light all day long."

"I certainly don’t work in a mushroom management company," laughs Freda, "my boss is very open and concerned about staff morale, but we all work under mushroom conditions, including him!"

"I wish I worked near a park or a garden," sighs Freda, "it would be so much nicer to soak up a bit of sunshine in pleasant surroundings during my lunch break. I just sit outside the store on the steps and breathe in the vehicle fumes!"

"I guess I have to put things into perspective," says Freda. "There are a lot worse things than not having a window at work, and five days out of seven spent under artificial lighting without a view of the outside world is really not going to kill me, right?"

"It kind of reminds me, in a way," muses Freda, "of being the baby of my own family, always overshadowed by my big brothers and sisters, never shining in my own light. Maybe working in the backroom of a furniture store is not good enough for me. At 40 I suppose I should be setting the world on fire! Not literally, of course, but maybe this windowless return to work job I landed up in is going to be a wake-up call for me."

creative timesheets

Ruby returned to work after twelve years of raising her five children and faced what she calls 'timesheet hell'.

"Many companies these days require staff to record exactly how their time is spent at work each day," explains Ruby, "and this sort of thing was unheard of when I last worked."

"In some instances you record your time by client and the client is billed for the time you spend on his or her account - which is reasonable, understandable and perfectly acceptable," adds Ruby, "but the type of timesheet that merely wants you to record how you spend your time for the benefit of justifying your existence - or the existence of the person responsible for implementing the system - is incredibly stupid and time-wasting."

"After twelve years of mothering," laughs Ruby, "the idea of recording everything I do at work is a joke."

"Everyone is familiar with the office situation where something goes wrong," says Ruby. "Imagine how it looks on a timesheet when you have to record two hours doing something that would normally take five minutes."

"Recording the precise time you spend on tasks every day seems such an incredible waste of time and effort," says Ruby, "but it seems to be part of the new teamwork system of management and there's no way to get out of it."

"I finally solved the problem by creating a standard timesheet that I use when so many things are happening at work that I really cannot keep track of what I'm doing," laughs Ruby.

"It's not really cheating - it's being creative," explains Ruby, "and it also saves me from going insane and that's important when I have five kids to face when I get home."

Actually, Ruby’s standard timesheet - outlined below - is typical of how 99.99% of office workers do spend their time at work.

It comprises common office tasks and the time you can reasonably record for completing them.

Filling out timesheet: Ruby suggests putting down half an hour for this task.

"Everyone else will be recording anything up to an hour or more - because that is the actual time the task takes," explains Ruby, "so I always make a very good impression by spending less time on my time-sheet than anyone else!"

Perusing and responding to e-mail: Conservatively, an hour.

Answering telephone calls: Say, an hour.

Consultations with managers and co-workers: Ruby suggests at least two and a half hours.

"In a team environment, everything gets discussed not once, not twice, but as many times as it takes for everyone to get the picture and put in their two cents," laughs Ruby, "and although it sounds a lot of time it really is representative of how much time is wasted on consultations."

Dealing with IT problems: These happen regularly. Half an hour should cover it.

Locating files: Conservatively, half an hour.

Learning a new procedure or application: Ruby suggests one hour, but concedes that she often takes manuals home whenever a new procedure is implemented and spends at least three hours studying them.

Lunch: Hopefully, you are entitled to an hour.

"If you have been adding up as you go along," says Ruby, "you will see that my standard time-sheet covers eight hours, which is the precise length of a statutory working day."

"Perhaps now you can understand why everyone has to work back at night - sometimes weekends, too - in order to do some real work," laughs Ruby.

"Being creative in filling in timesheets takes some of the misery out of the task," laughs Ruby, "but it's still something I hate doing and I feel very sorry for my kids because by the time they start work who knows what the management gurus will expect of them."

"I remember work as being a pretty easy going thing," says Ruby. "If there were management gurus around twelve years ago then they were spending their time on more important things than finding ways to make staff miserable."

generic job ads

Tania, 49, is considering returning to work after raising a family and after checking out the job ads she is amazed at the incredible amount of waffle and political correctness that's out there.

"I see nothing discriminatory in wording job advertisements towards the exact type of person a company wants for the job," says Tania. "They aren't paying any extra for space on the Net -- like they do for an advertisement in a newspaper -- so they should put as much effort into writing a job ad as job hunters put into answering it."

"The job ads of my day were very clearly designed to deter unsuitable people from wasting their time applying for the job," explains Tania, "and that makes good sense to me."

"I don't want to waste my time applying for a job that's suitable for a 20 year old male -- not a 49 year old married woman with kids," adds Tania, "and I'm sure a young male doesn't want to waste his time applying for a job that's more suited for a mature woman."

"In that employers are bombarded with hundreds if not thousands of applications for every job advertised online," says Tania, "it makes sense for them to be as specific as they can be in their job advertisements -- and they should be able to do this without breaching legal guidelines regarding discrimination."

"I've seen some job advertisements that get their message across quite nicely," says Tania, "so it's not impossible to do. They don't have to cover all angles with a stupid generic ad."

"If employers don't want to hire smokers or older people or fatties -- as most don't these days -- they simply state in their ads that employees enjoy a smoke-free working environment, a vibrant young working team or a junkfood-free canteen. Sure it's discriminatory, but it's legal and truthful."

"If an employer specifically wants a male employee, the advertisement will use a lot of strong male words or company perks such as company football or golf teams -- which may or may not deter females -- and the same goes for an employer specifically wanting a female employee, only perks such as child-minding facilities and afternoons off for shopping will be emphasized."

"Except for single fathers," muses Tania, "I think that few red-blooded males would want to respond to a job advertisement offering such obviously female slanted perks. So it can be done and I want to know why it's not done more often."

"The online job advertisements I really hate -- because there are so many of them -- are the wide open ads that do not actually say anything."

"These ads are always placed by the recruitment agencies and I can't believe that any real job exists where skills and experience are not specified."

"Instead of the usual requirements -- must be able to type 80 w.p.m. or be proficient in a particular computer package -- these advertisements rave on about character traits."

"In that just about everyone seriously looking for a job is going to be friendly, enthusiastic, or have a can-do attitude -- or imagines they do," laughs Tania, "this type of advertisement must get hundreds of thousands of applicants."

"I honestly feel that this sort of wide open advertisement is specifically designed to attract a mass of applicants for no other reason than to build up a recruiter's database of job seekers."

"Yes, it does happen," says Tania, "and so does the practice of placing bogus advertisements for jobs that do not exist."

“There is a trend these days,” says Tania, “to place an enticing job advertisement and then direct all applicants to a particular website or recruitment agency where you will be run through the mill and possibly charged for services you do not need.”

”Nobody in their right mind chooses a mate from an advertisement,” laughs Tania, “so I guess the smart thing to do in order to avoid the pitfalls of job ads, in newspapers and especially online, is to find a job the same way we go about finding a mate."

"I found my husband through friends," confides Tania, "and I'm pretty sure that family, friends, community organizations, clubs and all manner of people out there are going to be ready, willing and able to help me find a job when I am ready to get serious about looking for one."

"And the first thing serious job contacts are going to want to know is what I can do -- not how nice and enthusiastic I am," laughs Tania. "So if any return-to-work mom out there wants my opinion it's to avoid any job ad that raves on about personal character traits because it's a trick to get your personal details on a database and there's no job!"

bean counters and coffee breaks

When Trisha returned to work after an absence of eight years raising children she could not believe how toxic the workplace had become during that time. She was expected to work for five hours without a break and to drink water at her desk rather than enjoy a coffee break.

"Sometime during those eight years the traditional mid-morning and mid-afternoon tea or coffee break disappeared off the map of the workplace," says Trisha. "Just like that."

"How did it happen? Who was responsible for breaking this tradition?"

Trisha doesn't know the whole story - she doubts if anyone does - but she imagines that in some lavishly furnished office somewhere in the world the bean counters and the management consultants got together to devise yet another way to cut costs and maximize their profits.

Some management guru with a camel-like liquid storage capacity suggested that if he could get by without morning and afternoon refreshment then so could staff. The ten minutes staff waste filling themselves with tea and coffee each morning and afternoon could be better spent being productive.

There were excited murmurs in the room. This could work!

Spreadsheets were drawn up and massive projections were made to see how many billions of dollars companies could save if this simple cost-effective measure were promulgated. Finally, much to the camel's delight, his suggestion was accepted. They patted him on his hump - oops, back - gave him a check for a million dollars and off he padded to the nearest bar to get tanked.

The idea spread like wildfire throughout the world. The office tea and coffee bar area no longer served as a meeting place where workers would congregate to chat, refreshing themselves with mid-morning and mid-afternoon tea or coffee. That wonderful workplace camaraderie that once happened, quite naturally, twice a day, when everyone downed tools and tuned-out for ten minutes, together, was gone forever.

Trisha notices that the facilities remain, but now they are merely places where weak-willed workers sneak into very furtively to indulge in a quick and lonely caffeine fix on their way to or from a toilet break.

"You see," explains Trisha, "it was not just that management deplored staff wasting their time having liquid refreshment when they could quite easily survive for 5 hours without it - and keep on working - but they also deplored caffeine addiction in their workers."

Any addiction - except work addiction - was seen as a sign of a weak character. First they got rid of the nicotine addicts, now they were getting rid of the caffeine addicts.

Every office had its stoics - those who could survive for 5 hours without liquid refreshment, just like a camel - but Trisha and the other weak willed workers were shamed into storing bottles of water under their desks in order to survive the drought. And, for those, like Trisha, who had a caffeine addiction in addition to being poorly endowed in the liquid storage capacity area, clever ploys had to be devised in order to get a fix at work.

The well-organized caffeine addicts brought flasks of the addictive liquids, ready made from home; but Trisha made use of the hot water facilities at work to concoct her brew and take it back to her desk, being very careful to avoid the glare of the stoics as she snuck past them.

How anyone can hate the aroma of coffee or deplore those who have a caffeine addiction is beyond Trisha’s comprehension, but maybe the stoics with camel-like liquid storage capacities are a breed apart from the rest of us.

"In fact," says Trisha, "some stoics are super-stoic in that they can work through lunchtime, too - and can stay later than anybody else at the office - and they make an incredible impression on management which, of course, is their intention."

Anyway, for someone of Trisha’s vintage who can remember the good old days prior to the 1990s when a ten minute break in the morning and the afternoon was set aside for staff to stop work and congregate for some social banter - maybe duck out to buy a cappuccino and have a quick smoke - the demise of the tea or coffee break has been heart-breaking.

With more and more Baby Boomers opting out of this miserable existence - either to retire early or start their own businesses - the functional, soul-less corporate workplaces will be left entirely to the stoics who will, no doubt, gladly accept the next lame-brained penny-pinching suggestion at a think-tank of bean counters and management consultants.

"Let's see," ponders Trisha, "a shark-like type who never sleeps might suggest a 24-hour working day. After all, if he can do it, so can staff!"

"When pushed just a little bit over some magical line," says Trisha, "the stoics might finally wake up to the fact that they are human, too, and then it will be Revenge of the Stoics! There will be a stoic revolution far worse than any revolution in history and the heads rolling this time around will not be that of royalty but of corporate chairpersons, bean counters and management consultants."

Trisha is sad for herself but mostly for her adult children and as yet unborn grandchildren who will never know the pleasure of a good old-fashioned morning and afternoon tea or coffee break exactly as she knew it. Her children can’t believe that workplaces were once so easy going, but then Trisha remembers her own mother telling her about tea ladies.

In the 1950s, when Trisha’s mother worked in a typing pool, the tea or coffee break was such a sacred occasion that companies actually hired tea ladies to serve the girls tea and cookies at their desks. Imagine that!

"These days, of course," laughs Trisha, "they would be called Tea-Persons, but that’s another story."