the dreaded company merger

Heidi is 38, divorced and bringing up two children without any help from her ex-husband. She worked quite happily for a small accountancy firm until it merged with a larger organization, bringing her into contact with the co-workers from hell.

"Many of my former co-workers lost their jobs in the company merger," explains Heidi, "but two other women and myself were taken on by the new company."

Heidi's relief at keeping her job and having an income coming in was soon overshadowed when she starting working for the new company.

"We were assigned to positions within different departments," says Heidi, "meaning that the three of us had to fit in with entirely new co-workers."

Because lunch breaks were staggered, Heidi never even got a chance to speak to her old co-workers during the day. She believes that the new company deliberately separated the three women in order to force them to assimilate.

"We got around this forced separation by talking to each other after work," says Heidi, "but because the other two women were lucky enough to be assigned to really friendly departments these after-work talks didn't last long."

"I guess they felt the need to stick together had passed," sighs Heidi, "and even though they knew I was having trouble settling in to my new department they didn't want to get involved."

Heidi had the stressful experience of being assigned to a department where none of her new co-workers made an effort to befriend her.

"On the contrary," explains Heidi, "they treated me very badly from the first day and made it abundantly clear that they did not want an 'outsider' working with them."

"I suppose I don't 'fit in' with them because I'm divorced and they're married, and I have children and they don't," explains Heidi.

"I'm also a bit older than they are, too," adds Heidi. "But I guess it's more than that. They just don't want someone new breaking up their little group. Honestly, their behavior towards me is really evil."

"I was the first child in a family of four kids and had to put up with my younger sisters ganging up on me at times," explains Heidi, "but nothing my sisters did compares with what I have to put up with from the girls at work."

Heidi says that her evil co-workers smear her computer monitor with grease, cut her off from the network, delete her files, hide her chair when she's out of the room and whisper and giggle together about her.

"I brought in a photo of my kids to place on my desk," says Heidi, "and the next day I came in and found it was smeared with grease, too."

Heidi's main problem is that she doesn't have anyone at home to talk to about what's happening at work, and she refuses to speak to the management at her new place because if she does complain they will probably call her a trouble-maker and dismiss her.

"Whichever way I turn," sighs Heidi, "I'm in trouble. I can't quit this job because I need an income and it won't be easy finding another job. I guess I just have to put up with these evil women, keep my inner strength in tune and hope and pray that in time they'll leave me alone."

Company mergers often lead to staff destabilization and Heidi may find that her evil co-workers will accept her in time, but the odds are not good that they will. They're ganging up against her and seem determined to make her life miserable and force her to quit.

"What really upsets me," explains Heidi, "is that these women have secure jobs, they have husbands bringing home money and they don't have children to feed and clothe like I do. I need this job. Why can't they understand that single working mothers like me have tremendous responsibilities?"

"When they hurt me, they hurt my kids," sighs Heidi. "If they're not willing to make my life easier then they should have the decency to leave me alone to do my work in peace so that I can go home to my children with a good frame of mind."

Heidi's point about whoever hurts a single mother also hurts her children is worth repeating. Her anger and frustration about being treated badly at work is definitely going to spill over at home and adversely affect her children.

"You know," sighs Heidi, "the world talks about how evil the terrorists are but the really evil people to me are those within our community who terrorize others on a daily basis. It all boils down to hating change and hating people who are different, doesn't it?"

"I've thought about whether my childhood experiences as a first child have much bearing on what I'm experiencing now," adds Heidi. "I admit that I'm probably more tolerant of misbehavior in younger people than, say, an only child would be, but putting up with abuse from co-workers is not the same thing as putting up with bad behavior from your little sisters."

"These women are grown up and should behave accordingly," says Heidi. "I have enough trouble sorting out my private life and taking care of the kids without having to make excuses for the bad behavior of grown up women."

"Yes, it's extremely stressful, and no, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of the hysterical reaction they want," says Heidi.

"I'll give them a couple more weeks to settle down and then reassess the situation," explains Heidi. "If it continues then I suppose I will just have to ask for a transfer. There's only so much anyone can put up with without breaking and I'm not going to allow them to do that to me and my kids."

anyone for lunch?

Renata is 44, divorced with three young teenagers living at home, and she was delighted to win a job that paid almost twice her old salary. There was, however, a hidden catch that Renata hit head on with the sort of style that often separates the winners from the losers in the workplace.

"Since becoming a single parent nine years ago I've had to do some awful jobs for miserable pay so it was about time I started earning what I was worth," says Renata, "but I was absolutely shocked out of my brain on the first day at the new job when nobody took a lunch break and frowned at me when I got up to leave!"

Apparently, nobody had warned Renata that her new job involved working through the lunch break.

"The boss would send out for sandwiches, at company expense, and everyone grabbed a plate and went back to work at their desks," explains Renata. "I didn't see any chains around their ankles or necks but there may as well have been."

"I was pleased to be earning a good salary," says Renata, "but I had no idea that no lunch break was the price I had to pay for it."

The lunch break, for Renata -- and most people -- is not so much about eating but getting a break, getting some fresh air and sunshine, and getting some exercise. It is also about removing ourselves from a work environment in order to have a proper break. Sometimes it is about removing ourselves from co-workers in order to spend time with people we do not work with. And for busy single working mothers like Renata it is often about doing some shopping to enable an immediate return home at the end of the workday.

Renata has found, through trial and error over the years, that a one-hour lunch break is ideal for her.

"Including the time it takes to get out of the building, and how far I need to travel to get to the shops," explains Renata, "half an hour was really not enough time to refresh myself, grab something to eat and do some shopping."

Without a proper lunch break, Renata was a wreck by the end of the first day at her new job.

After being denied what she considered her right to a lunch break, Renata just took an hour off for lunch the next day and her employer had to like it or lump it.

"When you've been on your own raising a family as long as I have," says Renata, "you get to a stage where you've got a bit of money saved, your kids aren't so demanding, your self-esteem has picked up and you're no longer capable of putting up with the sort of stuff you had to put up with when all the chips were down."

"There were really heavy frowns at first," says Renata, "and then just about everyone but the brown-nosers followed suit. I started a revolution!"

"If my employer had dared to maintain that I had no right to take a lunch break or tried to cut my salary," explains Renata, "then I was prepared to seek legal advice immediately."

As Renata pointed out, we are living in the 21st century not the Dark Ages.

"Forced labor and slavery are crimes against humanity," asserts Renata, "and if employees don’t assert their rights then employers will try to get away with as much as they can."

Renata was lucky in that most of her co-workers agreed with what she was doing.

"Had I been the only employee taking a proper lunch break, I might have found myself out of a job," says Renata.

"I know that kids and immigrants are often subjected to illegal or immoral work practices when they take on a job," laughs Renata, "but I had no idea that some employers try cute tricks on regular workers. This experience has been a real eye opener for me."

"I can’t believe that before I started the new job absolutely nobody had dared complain about being deprived of a lunch break," sighs Renata. "It just goes to show how timid some people are and how one person can make a difference. I’m glad that one person was me."

"Yes," agrees Renata, "my relationship with management remains a bit icy. The big boss is probably mad as hell at me and may be hatching up some plot to get even with me, but I’m doing what I consider to be right not just for myself but for everybody here."

"I work really hard, I'm good at what I do and now that my kids are older and capable of taking care of themseves I don't mind staying back a bit," says Renata, "but I won't work through lunch -- not for a million bucks -- and if my employer can't appreciate that fact then he's a fool."

"He's no fool so I'm not really worried about losing my job," adds Renata, "but you can never tell about these things. He should be smart enough to see that everyone is happier -- and more productive -- now that they get a proper lunch break and he should be thanking me not snarling at me!"

"Like I said before, I was totally incapable of asserting myself when I was newly separated with little kids to support," says Renata, "so if you're a single mom stuck in a lousy job don't feel bad about not being able to change things. Believe me, you'll grow stronger with every day spent in adversity and the day will come when you can tell a lousy boss to stick his job."