untouchable managers

Rosemary is back home being a stay-at-home mom after six months of working in a high pressure, high stress job with a manager who pushed her around like she was a bit of dirt and she's so upset by the experience that right now she's not sure how long her 'between jobs' period is going to be.

"I suppose that manager treated me badly because he thought that with my qualifications I would be coveting his job one day," says Rosemary, "and I suppose I was - that's natural - but when I couldn’t bear it any more, I was in a dilemma about the correct protocol for resigning."

"We all know what the employment gurus advise about resigning," laughs Rosemary, "but all that crap about a desire to expand one's horizons and regret about leaving such a wonderful job with wonderful managers and co-workers - is absolutely and totally anathema to me."

"Because of this admonition to tell lies and protect future career prospects," says Rosemary, "nobody will ever know the truth about why people quit jobs and nothing will ever get done about removing the problems that cause resignations."

"Why are these lies perpetrated? asks Rosemary. "Why is it not okay to tell the truth?"

Rosemary makes the point that when relationships come to an end, it is very rare that two people have anything good to say about each other and that is perfectly acceptable.

"If the two people still liked each other, they would not be splitting up, would they?" asks Rosemary. "So why is it unacceptable, for instance, to resign a job on account of 'irreconcilable differences' with one's boss or co-worker?"

Rosemary feels that irreconcilable differences is a wonderful explanation for job quitting, expressing a perfectly understandable human condition, without getting down and dirty about the specifics.

"The employment gurus say that you will be branded as someone unfit for teamwork - and will not find another job easily - if you even hinted that you had an interpersonal problem at your last job," says Rosemary, "but I reject this."

"I cannot believe that employers and their HR departments are so naive that they do not understand that just about everybody resigns a job because of some interpersonal problem."

"If it is not the main reason," says Rosemary, "then it is definitely a very close secondary reason."

"Basically," says Rosemary, "jobs are relationships. Forget about the product, the pay, the building and other window dressing. It is the people you will be working for, and with, that make or break a job. And, it is far more apparent now than it ever was because of the increasingly competitive job market."

"These days," says Rosemary, "both staff and management work in team structures and individuality is no longer a prized characteristic. With shared tasks and sometimes being within elbow's reach of adjacent co-workers, we must bury all that primitive individualism that once separated us from the apes."

Very few people are naturally and overwhelmingly 'people' persons - team players - and Rosemary is one lady who knows only too well that it is a very thin veneer of civility that we affect in order to get through the day at work.

Eventually that veneer cracks.

"Most people are smart enough to keep their cool and plan their resignation," says Rosemary, "but it is not always possible to find a new job before an explosion occurs."

Rosemary agrees that married women like herself, with a working husband, are greatly advantaged in being able to quit lousy jobs while they are ahead and still in control of their faculties.

"I have single friends, especially single working mothers," says Rosemary, "who are badly disadvantaged in the workplace because employers and co-workers know that they can't quit jobs easily."

"Some people get a real kick out of making life hell for the poor single mothers," says Rosemary, "and when workplace scenes do occur it is often some poor single woman breaking under the strain."

"There was a single mother who ended up in hospital in her first week at my old workplace because she was too stressed by one of the stinking managers to attend to a medical problem," says Rosemary, "and when she returned to work he continued to harass her - because he knew how desperately she needed the job."

Rosemary admits that she has never yet come across a person who did not resign a job under suspicious circumstances.

"If honesty were a prized characteristic in the workplace," says Rosemary, "then irreconcilable differences would become as common and acceptable in resignation matters as it is in divorce and there would be no more suspicious circumstances."

"The reason for resignation is a stock interview question for both parties," says Rosemary, "and it’s about time it was dropped. Pick up most interview preparation books and the guru will tell you to rehearse the following silly scene:

'Why did you resign your last job?' asks the Interviewer.

You dutifully reply: 'I needed to broaden my horizons.'

Then you ask: 'Why did the person resign this job I'm applying for?'

The Interviewer dutifully replies: 'Ms Smith needed to broaden her horizons.'

It is an utterly ridiculous question for both parties to ask and someone has to stop this madness."

"When interviewers say that the previous person resigned because she wanted to work overseas, or spend more time at home, or broaden her horizons," claims Rosemary, "the truth is that very few people quit a job for the reasons they state."

"Some people may actually go overseas on an extended holiday to justify giving 'working overseas' as an excuse to quit a job," says Rosemary, "but I know from asking around that everyone’s main reason for quitting a job - not the only one - is that they were being harassed by a manager or co-worker."

"Enough of these lies!" screams Rosemary.

"Does it not occur to management that one bad apple - even within its own management team - is often the cause of many good workers quitting?

"If a three-strikes-you-are-out policy were adopted in workplaces - for both management and staff - then these bad apples can be removed legally from their jobs."

"When staff members do not tell the truth about why they are quitting, these bad apples are given carte blanche to continue their bad behavior," says Rosemary. "They thrive and bask in our lies to the point where they may actually believe that they are 'wonderful' managers and co-workers."

"I refused to perpetuate this madness," says Rosemary. "My resignation letter stated 'irreconcilable differences' and if my next employer doesn't accept that reason as being good enough then I'll find one who does."

"As you can tell," sighs Rosemary, "I'm very upset by my experiences in that job and I'm going to need as much time as necessary to recover from it. I can't apply for another job when I'm so stressed out, so it looks like my time 'between jobs' is going to be weeks if not months and that means money lost and this makes me angrier than ever because that jerk of a manager is still raking in his dough."

resigning with style

Victoria is married with a high income husband and when a job becomes unpleasant in any way she has the advantage of being able to nip things in the bud very quickly and resign with style.

"I work for fun rather than money," explains Victoria, "and when a job becomes stressful or coworkers become nasty I just don't hang and allow things to get so bad that my health and looks suffer -- I give notice to quit immediately, whether or not I have another job lined up."

"My husband has a six-figure salary and is more than willing to financially support me if I'm not working," says Victoria, "but so far I've never experienced a between jobs period because another job always come up and I'll tell you why it does."

"The secret of my success in being able to get out of bad work situations and into another job quickly is to resign as soon as I feel uncomfortable and to do so with style."

"Because I'm pleasant about the whole thing, the employer I'm leaving is more than happy to give me excellent references and in many cases he or she will recommend me directly to a new employer, starting immediately!"

"I pay heed to the early signs of trouble at the places I work, and I turn the process of quitting into a fine art rather than the stressful experience it is for most other people."

"If you get out of a bad workplace before it becomes really toxic," explains Victoria, "you can make your resignation a pleasant experience for both yourself and the employer."

"I give ample notice of my intention to quit, I tie up all loose ends before I leave, and I hand over my work to the next person with the minimum of fuss. No matter how bad my situation was in these jobs, I've always been rewarded when I leave with great references and a farewell party."

"It sounds hypocritical, and it is," laughs Victoria, "but that's the way the world works. People whose nasty behavior is the reason for your resignation, will be all smiles and sweetness as soon as they know you've resigned."

"It doesn't matter whether you've been with a company for two days or twenty years," says Victoria. "It's vitally important to pick up the early signs of trouble at work and quit while you're ahead and in control of the situation."

"Too many women have a habit of either rationalizing the early signs of trouble, or missing them altogether and as a consequence of this failure they end up stuck in an intolerable situation at work and become so stressed that they are unable to quit with style."

"When the obvious signs of trouble hit you, it's too late to save yourself," says Victoria. "By then, you've become very uncomfortable and very stressed. Let's face it, that's exactly what the obvious signs of trouble are designed for. You didn't take the hint at the first sign of trouble -- you rationalized it -- and now they want to make you feel absolutely miserable. They want to get rid of you and if you are not going to resign on good terms, then they are going to force you into resigning on bad terms or, worse still, sack you for being the stressed out, incompetent person you've become as a result of their harassment."

"I always resign at the earliest stages of trouble," says Victoria, "so I've never experienced the humiliation of being forced out of a job. But I've seen many, many women who hang on in there until the bitter end and totally ruin their lives in the process."

"I realize that a lot of women desperately need their jobs," explains Victoria, "but isn't health more important? Women can become physically ill when they're stressed every day with unpleasant things happening at work."

"I advise all women to quit before they get seriously ill," says Victoria. "Yes, I appreciate that many women are single - have a family to feed, a mortgage to pay and may have tramped the streets for months before they got their present job -- but the more you put up with bad treatment at work the more heartbreaking your ultimate quitting experience is going to be."

"If entitlements are due then it is obviously in your best interests to obtain legal advice about whether to deliberately slack off and force them to fire you," says Victoria, "but as money is never an issue for me I always opt to get out immediately before madness sets in."

"No matter what the truth is," says Victoria, "the advice given by employment gurus about resigning is absolutely the right thing to do."

"The gurus say that the only acceptable reason for resigning a job is 'a desire to expand one's horizons, having achieved all one is capable of doing in one's present job and being regretful that one must leave such a wonderful job with wonderful managers and co-workers' and that's the only way to resign with style."

"Yes, of course, it's a pack of lies but you've got to do it in order to get good references," says Victoria. "If you don't like lying, or you're not good at it, then learn how to do it -- go to drama school or something -- because if you can't lie convincingly in these situations then you'll never get anywhere."

"You can only resign with style when you're not stressed," says Victoria, "so if you've allowed a bad situation to get worse then you've gone way beyond that point where you can resign with style."

"When you're stressed out of your brain in a bad work situation you are incapable of lying convincingly about your reasons for wanting to leave," says Victoria, "and even if those responsible for your misery are not gloating at your demise it is very difficult not to become very angry under these circumstances."

"Losing your cool at work is a no-no," says Victoria. "If you've reached that stage, you really need to get out of the place as quickly as you can, under any pretext, before you explode."

For a resignation to take effect immediately, Victoria says that nothing beats one simple sentence: "Due to a medical condition I must regretfully tender my resignation, effective immediately."

"You don't have to state what the medical condition is," explains Victoria, "and you don't even need to have a medical condition. Just invent one for the purpose of getting out of the place quickly and let them imagine what they will about the nature of your mysterious medical condition."

"Lie, lie and lie some more!" laughs Victoria, "And smile, smile and smile some more, too!"

"On no account," says Victoria, "give in to the temptation to vent when writing a resignation note, and under the special circumstances of your resignation do not elaborate -- a single sentence is sufficient."

"I cannot stress how important it is to your future career to resign with as much style as you can no matter the circumstances," says Victoria. "If you even hint that you had an interpersonal problem at your last job you will be branded as someone unfit for teamwork and, because 99% of positions require teamwork, you will not find another job easily."

"It’s possible," says Victoria, "that married women are preferred employees because they often do have the advantage of a husband to support them and can quit with style."

"Hopefully, after one bad quitting experience every woman can see the point of never allowing a bad work situation to escalate to a point where anger takes over."

"If employers cannot or will not fix work problems," says Victoria, "then you've really got to bite the bullet and take control of your life."