Victimized then fired

After working for the same employer for fifteen years, Ruth, 35, was victimized for two months by her manager before being fired and, because she has a bad situation at home to deal with as well, she is devastated.

"I recently lost my job but far more than that I lost my dignity and self-esteem, too, because for two months prior to being laid off I was victimized by a female manager who knew the company was going to lay off several workers, including me," explains Ruth.. "She deliberately took advantage of this secret knowledge to vent her bile on people she had never liked or just didn’t give a damn about.”

"I couldn’t understand why this woman was victimizing me, and the horrible situation she put me in took me back to my very unhappy childhood,” explains Ruth. “So, by the time I received my pink slip I was already a wreck with the inexplicable victimization she had put me through, and my situation worsened when I went home with my pink slip and my mother harassed me go out and find another job immediately."

“If a company is going to fire people then I believe it has a moral duty to ensure that those people are treated well by their managers,” says Ruth. “I had given fifteen years of my life to that company and while I can understand that no job is safe these days, I can’t excuse the way I was treated by a manager with whom I previously had a good working relationship.”

“You hear a lot of people complaining about a lay-off or a firing happening immediately, without any indication that something was wrong,” says Ruth, “and they should consider themselves lucky because it means a management decision was kept secret for weeks or months, and life went on as normal, as it should in those situations.”

“No, I didn’t see the victimization as an indication that my head was on the line,” says Ruth. “The manager knew that I was on the list of those to go, but she had no reason whatsoever to victimize me or anyone else, other than gaining some sort of smug satisfaction that whatever she did to us would not affect her job.”

"I guess her inner bitch came out."

“By putting me, and others, through this victimization process that woman has severely affected our chances of getting another job quickly,” says Ruth. “It’s really sticking the boot into people who, because their jobs are being axed, are going to be needing all the dignity, self-esteem and confidence they can draw on when the pink slip arrives.”

“And, for people like me – who have troubles at home – this victimization and then a firing can have devastating consequences.”

Read more of Ruth’s story:

suicidal caregiver

hotheaded managers

Peggy's manager is a hothead and when things don’t go his way he becomes desperate and sometimes acts very stupidly – and she is a worrier, stewing over every detail – so, when a sales report was due and a big loss was expected, her life was hell.

“Because he’s such a hothead, the odds were high that he would make a stupid move,” says Peggy, “and even though he was smart enough to figure out that firing me would have repercussions for him, I still worried about my job.”

“When you're dealing with a hotheaded and unpredictable person like my manager, it’s not easy to distract yourself and stop worrying,” says Peggy. “Deep down I knew that I would not lose my job, but I was constantly worried about a blow up that would embarrass me and cause my manager to get fired.”

"Stewing was the only way I got through those six weeks," sighs Peggy, "and even though I did my very best to avoid my manager in order not to escalate the situation, he caused my fear level to rise by being in my face the whole time. It was awful, and it was a nasty thing for him to do knowing that my husband is disabled and depends upon me.”

“Finally, the sales report was put together and the loss was not as bad as expected,” explains Peggy. “My manager calmed down. Nobody lost a job, and six weeks of stewing on my part, and six weeks of raging on his part, did not change the situation at all.”

"I suppose I’m emotionally immature and in this respect my manager and I are very similar. He explodes his feelings, I implode mine."

Read more about Peggy:

caring for disabled husband

trusting vs stewing

worry and overeating

stewing on the job

learn the steps of the office shuffle

Daphne, 18, started her first job full of youthful energy and brimming with plans for all the things she wants to do with the rest of her life, but doing the office shuffle four times in six months seriously destabilized her.

"I took quite a while to adjust to being at work rather than at school," says Daphne, "but as soon as I had settled down my world went into a spin with the first of many office reshuffles."

Daphne maintains that an office reshuffle always seems to happen when you have settled down and are most comfortable exactly where you are. Sometimes a shuffle comes about because of companies restructuring, merging or expanding, but Daphne is adamant that it is mostly caused by someone in management wanting to justify his or her existence.

"Doing the office shuffle - moving desks, rooms, offices or even buildings - is such a common experience in my workplace," laughs Daphne, "that you may as well learn the steps so you can dance with ease when the music plays."

Daphne works in a team that did the office shuffle four times in six months. They were not even given time to settle down in any one of their new locations.

"No, the office shuffle is not a 'moving' experience," laughs Daphne. "On the contrary, it is destabilizing. I enjoy excitement, but like any normal human being I am a fairly territorial animal and a large part of setting down into a job is feeling comfortable, at home, with what has been marked out as being your ‘territory’."

Daphne made her first job experience easier by making her working space 'homely'.

"I brought in pictures and funny messages and stuck them up on the wall in front of me to remind me of home," explains Daphne. "I. also brought in plants and tended them lovingly. They made me feel human in this alien environment of work."

"I also filled the drawers in my desk with personal items," adds Daphne, "and I set up my PC with the colors and wallpaper I use on my home PC."

"I'm taller than average so I need to adjust my chair to just the right height," explains Daphne. "So, the whole settling down period is quite an experience."

When Daphne finally trusts the inviolability of her work space, she then grows accustomed to her surroundings.

If there is a window in the office, Daphne fixes her gaze on something she can see that pleases her. She knows exactly where everyone sits. She knows exactly where to lay her hands on, or fix her eye upon, some vital document.

Daphne says that it usually takes at least two weeks before someone settles down to a new surrounding and feels sufficiently comfortable to be able to attribute ownership to the little space where they work and - as a result - to work to their best ability.

"To uproot an employee from a familiar territory," says Daphne, "is not good management practice."

"By emotionally destabilizing the worker with a move to a new location, the company suffers in lost production time. The ‘territorial’ claim taking has to take place all over again before the employee can settle down and produce good work once again."

"Sometimes people are relocated because of a lease expiring - and moving to a new building should be exciting," says Daphne, "but the shuffle caused by someone in management wanting to justify his or her existence is a painful experience."

"These office shuffles," says Daphne, "are often nothing more than an exercise of power. Ostensibly, shuffles are supposed to make better use of office space, but I’ve never seen a better use of office space as a result of them."

What she did see, though, was a whole lot of disgruntled employees - herself included - who were quite happy where we were and resented being moved.

The lunatic responsible for moving Daphne’s team four times in six months was definitely on a power trip.

"Nobody likes him," explains Daphne, "so moving staff around haphazardly must have been his way of wreaking revenge. Not only did he move my team four times, but shortly afterwards he also started making structural alterations to the office building."

"Imagine putting up with the noise, dust and inconvenience of openings being knocked out of walls, ceilings being re-wired and carpet being laid. What a first job experience I've had!"

Daphne’s theory is that Nature abhors a vacuum and as soon as staff is moved to make better use of office space something inevitably fills the space they vacated.

"And that something," laughs Daphne, "always seems to be empty boxes and junk."

"Welcome to the world of work."

untouchable managers

Rosemary is back home being a stay-at-home mom after six months of working in a high pressure, high stress job with a manager who pushed her around like she was a bit of dirt and she's so upset by the experience that right now she's not sure how long her 'between jobs' period is going to be.

"I suppose that manager treated me badly because he thought that with my qualifications I would be coveting his job one day," says Rosemary, "and I suppose I was - that's natural - but when I couldn’t bear it any more, I was in a dilemma about the correct protocol for resigning."

"We all know what the employment gurus advise about resigning," laughs Rosemary, "but all that crap about a desire to expand one's horizons and regret about leaving such a wonderful job with wonderful managers and co-workers - is absolutely and totally anathema to me."

"Because of this admonition to tell lies and protect future career prospects," says Rosemary, "nobody will ever know the truth about why people quit jobs and nothing will ever get done about removing the problems that cause resignations."

"Why are these lies perpetrated? asks Rosemary. "Why is it not okay to tell the truth?"

Rosemary makes the point that when relationships come to an end, it is very rare that two people have anything good to say about each other and that is perfectly acceptable.

"If the two people still liked each other, they would not be splitting up, would they?" asks Rosemary. "So why is it unacceptable, for instance, to resign a job on account of 'irreconcilable differences' with one's boss or co-worker?"

Rosemary feels that irreconcilable differences is a wonderful explanation for job quitting, expressing a perfectly understandable human condition, without getting down and dirty about the specifics.

"The employment gurus say that you will be branded as someone unfit for teamwork - and will not find another job easily - if you even hinted that you had an interpersonal problem at your last job," says Rosemary, "but I reject this."

"I cannot believe that employers and their HR departments are so naive that they do not understand that just about everybody resigns a job because of some interpersonal problem."

"If it is not the main reason," says Rosemary, "then it is definitely a very close secondary reason."

"Basically," says Rosemary, "jobs are relationships. Forget about the product, the pay, the building and other window dressing. It is the people you will be working for, and with, that make or break a job. And, it is far more apparent now than it ever was because of the increasingly competitive job market."

"These days," says Rosemary, "both staff and management work in team structures and individuality is no longer a prized characteristic. With shared tasks and sometimes being within elbow's reach of adjacent co-workers, we must bury all that primitive individualism that once separated us from the apes."

Very few people are naturally and overwhelmingly 'people' persons - team players - and Rosemary is one lady who knows only too well that it is a very thin veneer of civility that we affect in order to get through the day at work.

Eventually that veneer cracks.

"Most people are smart enough to keep their cool and plan their resignation," says Rosemary, "but it is not always possible to find a new job before an explosion occurs."

Rosemary agrees that married women like herself, with a working husband, are greatly advantaged in being able to quit lousy jobs while they are ahead and still in control of their faculties.

"I have single friends, especially single working mothers," says Rosemary, "who are badly disadvantaged in the workplace because employers and co-workers know that they can't quit jobs easily."

"Some people get a real kick out of making life hell for the poor single mothers," says Rosemary, "and when workplace scenes do occur it is often some poor single woman breaking under the strain."

"There was a single mother who ended up in hospital in her first week at my old workplace because she was too stressed by one of the stinking managers to attend to a medical problem," says Rosemary, "and when she returned to work he continued to harass her - because he knew how desperately she needed the job."

Rosemary admits that she has never yet come across a person who did not resign a job under suspicious circumstances.

"If honesty were a prized characteristic in the workplace," says Rosemary, "then irreconcilable differences would become as common and acceptable in resignation matters as it is in divorce and there would be no more suspicious circumstances."

"The reason for resignation is a stock interview question for both parties," says Rosemary, "and it’s about time it was dropped. Pick up most interview preparation books and the guru will tell you to rehearse the following silly scene:

'Why did you resign your last job?' asks the Interviewer.

You dutifully reply: 'I needed to broaden my horizons.'

Then you ask: 'Why did the person resign this job I'm applying for?'

The Interviewer dutifully replies: 'Ms Smith needed to broaden her horizons.'

It is an utterly ridiculous question for both parties to ask and someone has to stop this madness."

"When interviewers say that the previous person resigned because she wanted to work overseas, or spend more time at home, or broaden her horizons," claims Rosemary, "the truth is that very few people quit a job for the reasons they state."

"Some people may actually go overseas on an extended holiday to justify giving 'working overseas' as an excuse to quit a job," says Rosemary, "but I know from asking around that everyone’s main reason for quitting a job - not the only one - is that they were being harassed by a manager or co-worker."

"Enough of these lies!" screams Rosemary.

"Does it not occur to management that one bad apple - even within its own management team - is often the cause of many good workers quitting?

"If a three-strikes-you-are-out policy were adopted in workplaces - for both management and staff - then these bad apples can be removed legally from their jobs."

"When staff members do not tell the truth about why they are quitting, these bad apples are given carte blanche to continue their bad behavior," says Rosemary. "They thrive and bask in our lies to the point where they may actually believe that they are 'wonderful' managers and co-workers."

"I refused to perpetuate this madness," says Rosemary. "My resignation letter stated 'irreconcilable differences' and if my next employer doesn't accept that reason as being good enough then I'll find one who does."

"As you can tell," sighs Rosemary, "I'm very upset by my experiences in that job and I'm going to need as much time as necessary to recover from it. I can't apply for another job when I'm so stressed out, so it looks like my time 'between jobs' is going to be weeks if not months and that means money lost and this makes me angrier than ever because that jerk of a manager is still raking in his dough."

unfair performance reviews

Vera is 29, single, sharing an apartment and recently changed jobs after receiving an unfair performance review from the new manager at her old job - an ogre who took an instant dislike to the vivacious and career minded young woman.

"I've kept copies of all of my performance reviews," says Vera. "Mostly they are glowing records of my performance - results exceeding requirements and expectations - but some are nothing more than records of dissonance between myself and a manager that have nothing whatsoever to do with my job performance."

"Granted," says Vera, "we do not live in a perfect world and in the workplace, as at school, and in families, we all face the prospect of being evaluated by some small-minded person who takes an instant dislike to us and abuses his or her position of authority to demean us."

"However, when performance reviews are used as a personal vendetta, or as a cunning method to get rid of staff, I believe that this is discrimination at its lowest."

"The only assignment from my schooldays that I decided to retain is an essay that bears the scrawl of a really small-minded man," says Vera. "I was twelve years old, blooming into adulthood, brimming with ideas and in love with life."

"Looking at the essay now I can appreciate that it is not exactly brilliant, but for a twelve year old it is still pretty good. And yet that moron who taught me English and History that year marked it with the distain and spite of someone who probably aspired to be a famous literary critic but was stuck for life in a job as a poorly paid teacher."

"His concluding remarks were: 'What a precocious child you are, this subject is far too complex for you - stick to dolls', says Vera. "At the time I had no idea what the word ‘precocious’ meant and even after I learned its meaning I did not take his comment as being the least bit complimentary. Having ideas beyond what is expected - by virtue of age, gender, social position or place on the career ladder - is both a curse and a blessing."

"People who do not aim to better the world, or themselves," says Vera, "have a far easier life than those who do. I wanted so much to shine in my own right. I was fed up being overshadowed by my sister and brother, and I was prepared to work twice as hard as anybody in order to make a mark on the world."

Vera is the type of person who derives enormous pleasure from accomplishing the impossible. Within workplaces run by managers who appreciate initiative, creativity and monumental hard work she was rewarded with almost embarrassing accolades when performance evaluations were carried out. However, within workplaces run by mean-spirited little Hitlers who want everything done according to the book, even when the book is riddled with worms, her performance reviews were distinguished by remarks very similar to those of her moronic English-History teacher.

"One of my first performance reviews," laughs Vera, "went as follows - ‘you have been employed here as a Researcher, not a Director or even a Manager, and in performing the duties of a Researcher you have consistently failed to meet the position's requirements and expectations’."

However, the performance review most remarkable for its gross unfairness is one Vera recently received from a place she had worked for two years very happily until a fair and pleasant boss was replaced by an ogre.

This woman took an instant dislike to Vera and another employee, who is also one of Vera’s roommates, and she virtually set them up to fail their performance reviews.

"She singled us out to be, in effect, her personal assistants," explains Vera, "and set out to make our lives misery. She was an absolute slave-driver. Given a whip, she would have used it on us!"

"The endless menial tasks she gave us to do bore no resemblance whatsoever to what we were supposed to be doing, but we carried them out with gritted teeth and tried very hard not to cave in with the stress and humiliation of it all."

"Shortly after, our performance reviews were held and the ogre produced a list of all the tasks she had given us - most of which we had forgotten about, or deemed too trivial to be given priority over our regular work - and proceeded to tell us that because we had not performed these tasks to her satisfaction she was recommending our discharge."

"The ogre's list had columns for the dates, times and results of each trivial little task she had given us," laughs Vera. "Our regular work was entirely overlooked."

"We were being judged on arbitrary tasks, totally unrelated to our roles!"

"In a court of law, this list would have been torn to shreds, but we weren’t interested in pursuing the matter legally. Life's too short for that sort of thing. We just quit! Since she had taken over, that workplace had become so toxic that it was exhiliarating to walk out of it for the last time and breathe some fresh air."

"This story would have had a different ending," says Vera, "had we not been financially secure. We could have been out of work for months. We could have been evicted from our apartment and got into all manner of financial and personal difficulties as a result of the discriminatory actions of that ogre."

When performance reviews are used unfairly as a means by which a mean manager or boss can get rid of staff he or she does not like personally, Vera believes that we should all be very wary of management changes as well as sudden changes in duties.

Vera believes that a bona fide performance review should cover the key responsibilities of a job, and should not include new duties that have been foisted onto you just prior to the performance review date.

"If new duties are to be allocated to you," says Vera, "then they should be raised at the performance review, thus giving you a chance to come up with some goals regarding how you intend to carry these duties out. For instance, if your new duties involve re-organizing the client and product databases then you would want to say something about how you intend to maintain quality and consistency, what extra costs the task would involve, and how long you plan on taking to do the job."

"In other words, you are setting goals for your new duties that will be assessed at the next performance review."

Bearing in mind that the whole purpose of a performance review is to see how you set goals and accomplish them, Vera believes that it is grossly unfair for a manager to review your performance on new duties that were foisted upon you prior to the review.

"It is a good idea, too," says Vera, "to be aware of other factors that are assessed in performance reviews because these can, and often are, used against you. But on no account should these factors take precedence over regular duties."

Immediately before performance reviews Vera accepts that some situations are deliberately 'contrived’ in order to assess one's ability to think on the spot.

"For instance," says Vera, "if you receive a telephone call from a very rude client watch what you say. The client is probably a plant or the call is being monitored!"

"Another contrived situation," confides Vera, "is a sudden and unexpected workload at 5pm - don't go home before prioritizing what's important and what's not!"

"A very loud and angry argument between two managers happening within earshot is another contrived situation," says Vera. "Don't pretend you didn’t hear it - you are expected to foster harmony by interceding with a quick-thinking resolution for their problem!"

Interpreting performance reviews causes a lot of confusion. Vera believes that very few people receive an ‘Exceeds Expectation’ performance review for the simple reason that many of the critical success factors are unknown, or are unreasonable to be expected to be met.

"Far more common," she says, "is an ‘Achieves Expectations’ performance review where you exceeded expectations in some areas, and just met them in others - or a ‘Needs Improvement’ performance review where you just met some, but not all expectations."

"As for the ‘Unacceptable’ performance review, well," says Vera, "it often says more about the manager carrying out the review than it does about you and if you remain in the company long enough to get your say in a performance review of superiors then by all means tell it like it is!"

"The purpose of performance reviews of superiors by staff is for those who have been judged to do some judging themselves, and believe it or not," says Vera, "but company executives do take notice of comments made about managers by staff."

"Poor reviews of managers by staff can, and do, get some lousy managers justifiably fired," laughs Vera, "and it was a pity we that didn’t have the opportunity to use our clout to get that ogre fired before she used her clout to get rid of us."