signs your job is in trouble

Juanita has had more job and relationship troubles than the average woman, and has learned a great deal from her mistakes. She is now a happily married stay at home wife but dearly wants to find a stable job.

"Signs of a job or a relationship breakdown have similarities," says Juanita, "Let's start with job jeopardy first."

"No sooner than finding a job, you’re likely to be out of it without notice," says Juanita. "Sometimes, there are no early signs, and by the time the obvious signs hit you it's too late to make a graceful exit."

"For women who are in stressful situations like this it is difficult to see the wood for the trees."

"The obvious signs of job jeopardy," says Juanita, "include such manipulative measures as being given a special project that stinks, a less senior person getting promoted over you, superiors becoming uncommunicative, your minor mistakes suddenly being seen as major mistakes, being no longer invited to after-hours functions, your PC mysteriously starting to play up, things disappearing off your desk, strange things appearing on your desk, being moved without warning, learning that team meetings are held when you're away, managers and co-workers avoiding you and either being given less work or inundated with extra work."

"I've experienced all of these obvious manipulative behaviors in the jobs I've had," laughs Juanita, "and some happened so soon after I started the job that it was difficult to tell whether this was normal for the job or whether they were blatantly trying to get rid of me quickly!"

"The obvious signs of relationship jeopardy," says Juanita, "include such manipulative measures as the guy talking a lot more about other women than he does about you, sleeping in the study saying he doesn't want to disturb you, becoming uncommunicative or critical towards you, no longer taking you out or buying you gifts, taking calls in private, opening a post office box for his mail, removing his belongings from your place, spending more and more time away from home, finding incriminating things he has hidden in sometimes not-to-secret places, buying new clothes, getting a make-over, joining a gym, finding tell-tale marks on his clothes and realizing that his friends and family are avoiding you."

"I've experienced all of these obvious manipulative behaviors in the relationships I've had, too," laughs Juanita, "and while it's more difficult to spot the obvious signs with guys you're dating than with the guys you're married to, it's basically the same old routine."

"Over and above signs that are obvious for jobs or relationships," explains Juanita, "there are obvious signs for both situations and these include receiving telephone hang-ups, they can’t look you in the eye, or if they do it is done brazenly, they touch parts of their face, particularly the nose - always a good sign of deception, they speak rapidly, they change the subject, there are inappropriate silences in conversations, they stop talking when you enter the room and when you inquire 'is anything wrong?' they deny it."

Juanita says that there are plenty more obvious signs that can be added to all the ones she's mentioned, but she's covered the basics and the rest are peculiar to specific situations.

"I have honed my intuition sufficiently not to face too many obvious signs of manipulative behavior these days," says Juanita, "but because these signs are happening earlier in jobs and relationships because of the uncertain times we live in, I believe we should all be prepared to face unpleasantness and do our best not to rationalize what is happening."

"When we receive obvious signs," says Juanita, "our situation has gone beyond the early warning stage. By then, we are in deep trouble and probably past the stage at which we can mend the situation."

Juanita feels that paying attention to these signs and accepting that our job or relationship is ending is far smarter, and healthier for us, than ignoring the signs and carrying on regardless.

"While it would be so much easier if those doing the deceiving were candid and did not have to resort to this bizarre behavior," she says, "it is really no more bizarre than ours if we are rationalizing it."

"By remaining in a job or a relationship where the signs are pretty clear that something is very wrong," says Juanita, "we are deceiving ourselves. We are acting in a bizarre manner, too."

Juanita had to educate herself to become an intuitive woman. She is now able to read the early signs of trouble very quickly, and when there are obvious signs of trouble without the early signs she has trained herself to act swiftly and appropriately to what is happening around her.

Whether the signs indicate that a job is going down the gurgler, or a relationship is, Juanita feels that it is her responsibility to tune in and act quickly, saving herself a lot of anguish down the line.

"If I knew then, what I know now," sighs Juanita, "I could have had a beautiful life. It's all very well for myself - and others - to rationalize that without meeting so many Mr Wrongs I would never have met Mr Right, but the fact is that if I had been smart I would never have got involved with so many Mr Wrongs to start off with."

Juanita was 51 - yes, 51 - when she met her Mr Right and intends to take full responsibility for making the rest of her life beautiful.

"As for the jobs," sighs Juanita, "I can't do much about the outsourcing and downsizing and all the other stuff that causes so much uncertainly and strange behavior in workplaces. I'm just lucky that I'm married and don't need a job so desperately that I have to put up with that sort of bad treatment any more."

(Juanita's story first appeared as jeopardy signs and is reprinted with permission.)

blow ups and blow overs

Gayle, single and 34, sensed something was wrong when she returned from lunch early one day and saw a strange woman in her manager's office.

"He looked like he was interviewing this woman," says Gayle, "and yet when I asked him whether he's hiring more supervisors - and, if so, why, when sales had been slipping for months and some of my girls didn't have enough work to keep them busy - he changed the subject abruptly."

Gayle immediately sensed that her job was on the line. Why? No rational reason whatsoever. There were no other signs besides this one-off meeting, and up until then she had no reason to believe her manager was anything other than a good guy - but he was going away for the next three weeks and this bothered her, too. She sensed she was in trouble.

The meeting gave Gayle five preliminary signs:

there was a strange woman in the office
the meeting appeared to have been arranged deliberately to coincide with her normal lunch time
the meeting appeared to be an interview
the meeting was held immediately before her manager was going to be away for three weeks
her manager refused to tell her what was going on (this was the most telling of the signs).

"Most people would have shrugged these signs off had they noticed them - which most people don't because they're too busy or too stressed to pay attention to what's going on around them," says Gayle, "but not me. I had a flash intuition that my manager intended to drop a bomb on me - demotion or dismissal - when he returned from an extended business trip and I wanted to be prepared."

"I didn't want to spend the next three weeks worrying under a black cloud," explains Gayle, "so that night I decided that the best way to handle this niggling doubt about my future with the company was to cover myself."

She had no worries about her performance. It had been consistently excellent. The only trouble was that only a few people knew how good she was, so if her manager had decided he was tired of her and wanted to get rid of her, he had a clear coast. Her tactic of covering herself meant that she had to make sure that those at the top knew how good she was.

Gayle's company had a suggestion box that circumvented middle management, going straight to the executive managers. She sat down that night and composed a great report about ideas the company could follow to improve its market position.

"The next day I dropped my report into the suggestion box and almost immediately I felt that black cloud disappearing," laughs Gayle.

The act of covering oneself does have this 'unburdening' effect, but if the niggling doubts persist then something else needs to be done.

In Gayle's case, she started to get uneasy feelings again a week later when she had not received an acknowledgement for her report.

"Having never dropped anything into the suggestion box before, I had no idea how long acknowledgements took," explains Gayle, "so I asked and was told about two weeks. In other words, exactly coinciding with my manager's return and probably too late to be of assistance to me."

It's wise to find as many ways as you can to cover yourself, and while Gayle's story relates to a workplace situation, it applies to any type of relationship.

"If the man in your life - or a child, relative or friend - is showing preliminary signs that something is not quite right," says Gayle, "you need to cover yourself. Do something to ameliorate the situation until you know which way the wind is blowing."

Gayle explains that when you intuit preliminary signs of trouble you need to take cover - do something to ameliorate the situation until such time as whatever you have intuited either blows over or blows up - but if this preliminary action does not ease those intuitive bells ringing in your head, then you can either stew for that period, distract yourself or take action in preparation for the worst possible scenario.

Gayle decided to take the third option - she moved very quickly to put herself in charge of her life.

Gayle's rationale was quite simple: when a manager wants to get rid of you he almost has carte blanche to do so and it matters not an iota if your work and behavior are excellent.

"It's not fair, it's not productive and it's an abominable way to treat staff ," explains Gayle, "but it happens every day, all around the world, in every workplace and, indeed, in every relationship. If you want to be a success in life, you need to accept this fact - not moan about it - and take charge not only of your career, but your private life, too."

Rather than waiting for a potential bomb to drop in two weeks - or more obvious signs that her job was in jeopardy - Gayle took action to secure her future. She started looking for another job. Her intuition was telling her that she could not trust her manager any more, and when this happens it's time to move on. She wanted to be in charge of her career, not at the mercy of a fickle manager.

She was, of course, taking action on the worst possible scenario happening rather than stewing or distracting herself.

If her manager does not dismiss her upon his return, then that does not mean that he did not think about it. The whole point of intuition is to trust your feelings. If Gayle's manager does not dismiss her upon his return, then he changed his mind in the interim period. If asked point blank whether he had thought about dismissing her, he would deny it. Isn't that true of all situations?

Indeed, Gayle's "covering" report in the suggestion box may have worked in her favor. An executive might have contacted her manager, asking who this great ideas girl Gayle was. We are never in full knowledge of what happens behind the scenes.

Anyway, if things blow over, then Gayle intends to continue job searching at the same time as asking for a promotion or a transfer. She is happy to stay with the company, but she does not wish to work with her old manager any more. Once someone has put you through a blow over or blow up situation, they can do it again and again.

If her manager does dismiss her upon his return, or starts an overt campaign to get rid of her, then she is already well into job hunting and can leave with her self-respect intact.

So, blow up or blow over, Gayle is trusting her intuition on preliminary signs and taking charge of her life. If the situation had occurred with a friend or a lover, she would have acted similarly.

(Gayle's story first appeared as always cover yourself and is reprinted with permission.)

surviving the work late culture

Jane is a single working mother who is experiencing a great deal of stress and anguish being expected to work after hours, but she survives with the help of a loving and dedicated mom.

"I don’t get paid for this extra work," says Jane. "Everybody works back late without extra pay where I work - and there is no special consideration for working mothers like me."

The working late culture is a problem that particularly affects working mothers, but just about anyone with a life outside of work is upset by the increasing trend among employers to hire less staff and make them work back late, without extra pay, in order to do the work of two people.

"I'm 37 and old enough to remember a 9-5 working day, when offices closed at 5pm and people had real lives," sighs Jane.

"I'm really grappling with this problem," sighs Jane. "I will never accept that work was ever meant to consume more than 8 hours of our day."

"I was told that if working mothers want to work then they should get it very clear from the start that working late is normal these days and if you don’t become a workaholic then you won’t have a job."

"Terms of employment might state 9 to 5", says Jane, "but if you walk out the door at 5pm you will probably be the only person doing so as well as the first person on the chopping block when the company restructures."

As Groucho Marx quipped: "No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."

Jane adds that few bosses leave early these days!

"Some workplaces do allow flexible working hours - with a core period between which one must be present - but generally companies do not take into account either our personal needs or our time clocks," says Jane.

"Businesses, of course, are not in business to suit the personal needs and time-clocks of staff and there is plenty of evidence to support the view that expecting staff to conform to the working late culture is an exercise of power that has very little to do with productivity."

"If businesses really wanted to prosper," says Jane, "then they might consider the benefits of giving their staff adequate time off to relax and recharge their batteries."

"There are very few people who can work for more than an 8-hour day without making mistakes and becoming irritable and unproductive," says Jane.

"You would have to be doing something you really loved - and would do for free - in order to maintain that length of productivity without fatigue."

Jane’s work, like most people’s, is not something she loves and would do for free.

"Fatigue is a real problem for me," says Jane, "but luckily I have a mother who lives close and takes care of my children while I am at work. Without her support I would not be able to survive. She is far more valuable to me than a husband would be because she doesn't work and she puts my interests before her own. How many men would do that?"

"I don’t have to worry about keeping a babysitter waiting - but nevertheless my children do suffer from being picked up at their grandmother’s house at all hours of the night - and my mother isn’t too happy about the way I am spending so much time at work."

"Sure, I’m turning into a workaholic and becoming prone to heart disease," says Jane, "but what else can I do? I need this job and I've got to do whatever it takes to survive in it."

Jane says that it is ironic that workers worldwide in the 19th and 20th centuries fought a long and hard battle to earn the right to an 8-hour day, and now it is almost heretic to demand such a right.

"I've considered doing part-time work - or even changing my occupation to one with hours and conditions that suit my needs - but I really need the money of a full-time job."

"There are, of course, still lots of employers out there who are sympathetic to the personal needs of staff," says Jane, "but expecting to leave at 5pm in any workplace is just not done these days - no matter what the work contract says - so I'm not risking changing my job."

"There are plenty of people out there desperate for work," says Jane, "and even if an employer is sympathetic to the personal needs of staff, it is the people who do not expect to leave early who will get the perks and promotions, not those who leave early."

"Very few people are indispensable these days," sighs Jane. "And I believe that workaholism has more to do with fear of losing out on perks and promotions - and jobs - than some innate brain wiring problem. It's a disease that's acquired by the working late culture."

"When more and more employers are requiring longer working hours, shorter breaks and keeping workers in a state of fear - not knowing whether their jobs are going to last out the month let alone the year - is it any wonder that so many of us are developing workaholic tendencies?"

keeping things together

Like all women, Hope has come a long way since the 1960s but she, being a single mom, knows from personal experience that having it all is an unrealistic expectation and that the most a single working mom can do is keep things together at home and survive as best you can at work.

"I know that some moms - single and married - manage to beat the odds," says Hope, "but most of us are forced to make huge career sacrifices for the sake of the children and take on some pretty nasty humilation, too. But you do it to survive!"

When her children were young, Hope believed it was far more important for her to keep it all together at home than to strive for power and glory in the workplace for the simple reason that she represented home to her children. There was nobody else but her to keep things together at home, and if she lost the love and trust of her children then she would lose everything.

"A lot of working moms just don’t realize that their children play a far more important role in their lives than the women think they do," says Hope, "Children keep us grounded far more than a job does."

"I saw it as my duty to give my children the very best start in life and the best start has very little to do with money," says Hope. "Instead, it has everything to do with the time and care I gave them and most of all the blessing of a loving, stress-free home environment."

"To achieve that aim I took on the least stressful job I could find," says Hope, "and no matter that I was being paid half as much as I was worth I hung on to that job for dear life because it was giving me what I wanted. I jumped through a hundred hoops a day to keep my boss happy because as long as he was happy he wouldn't fire me and upset my homelife."

"I believe that the first seven years of a child's life are vital to his or her future development," says Hope, "and I have no regrets about the enormous personal sacrifices I made for my children. I was aware right from the start that no amount of remorse will ever undo the damage done to kids by a mother who neglected them in order to further her career, or to chase a guy."

To her credit, Hope’s three children have grown up into happy, well-adjusted teenagers and while life is much easier for her there are still significant responsibilities with teenagers living at home.

"I'm still in the same job," laughs Hope, "and I'm still keeping it together at home.

"Support is something I never really got in large enough measures to improve my circumstances," says Hope. "Being a father and a mother to young children was relatively easy, but its hard being both a mom and dad for older children. They still depend upon me to provide a safe, stable and happy home, and because I don't want to rock their boats I'm still jumping through hoops for my boss."

"The demands of my job no longer conflict much with my mothering duties," says Hope, "so life is easier in that respect, but my boss never lets me forget how much time off he gave me when I had to put my little children's needs first."

"When a conflict between work and home arose, I always stuck to my guns about never letting work interfere with my home life," says Hope, "and my boss was pretty good about giving me time off to keep things together at home. And so he should have been for paying me half as much as I was worth!"

"The belief that I can have it all when the kids were older kept me sane during those early years," says Hope, "but I'm discovering that I probably won't be able to achieve that goal until my kids are working themselves."

"Until then, I guess I'm still stuck in this low paid job," sighs Hope. "I'm surviving, sure, but I'd like to be thriving!"

"I can't understand mothers -- married or not -- who put their kids into nurseries after birth in order to pursue their careers," says Hope. "Maybe I'm missing something but why bother having children if you’re not prepared to look after them?"

supportive jobs

Patience, 43, is a single mom of two children who turned down a job offer paying a lot more than she's earning now because she places far more value on the support she receives at her present job and believes work is about job survival not job suicide.

"Sure, ask any mom why she's out there working rather than staying home to look after her children," says Patience, "and the bottom line is always money. I work for money to support my kids just like everyone else, but when you're a single mom you've got to do an amazing balancing job. You know, weigh up what's important and what's not, and I knew pretty quickly that I needed a supportive workplace more than I needed more money."

"Without the incentive of money, there would be no 'personal satisfaction', 'status', 'identity' or any of the other reasons we wish to put forward as reasons why we put our children into the care of others and go out to work," says Patience, "and while some single moms work to pay for luxuries to augment a private income, most of us just work to earn money to pay the bills and feed the family."

"I feel sorry for single moms who work primarily for the most money they can get because while understanding this emphasis on money -- some single mothers are in dire financial circumstances -- they often lose a lot more than they gain when they let money guide them."

"I don't earn much money where I work," says Patience, "so I can't afford little luxuries for my children, but I do work in a very supportive environment and when you've got a job like that you get down on your knees and thank God for your good fortune."

"My team is almost exclusively composed of single working moms like myself," confides Patience, "and that makes all the difference because we understand how tough things are taking care of children on our own and we look out for each other. When a kid is sick, there's no problem taking time off work. Someone always covers for us. That's the beauty of teamwork. Nobody's work is so important that a day or a week off work is going to make any difference."

Patience believes that in today's outsourcing economic climate we're lucky to have a job, so if a single mom is in a job that's basically supportive and amenable to her needs as a single working mother -- but is not paying what she thinks she's worth -- she would be very silly to give it up for a job offering better pay.

"I turned down the better paying job because you never know until you're in a job for a few months whether the company practices subtle discrimination against single working moms," explains Patience. "The last thing I need is the stress of finding myself in an unsupportive working environment and having to face another job-change down the line. That's not job survival -- it's job suicide,"

"Single working moms really need to get their priorities right," says Patience. "It may not be fair that you may be stuck in a job that does not pay you according to your worth, but when you have children and especially when it is an employer's market out there you have very little say in the matter."

"There are far too many people in the world looking for work, and there are simply not enough jobs available to employ them," explains Patience. "The laws of supply and demand operate perfectly these days to ensure that those who are willing to work for less monetary reward are the ones who remain in jobs or win those that are available. That's job survival for you."

"And the sad fact of this equation," says Patience," is that women -- especially single working moms -- are very often not paid what they are worth."

"Because of their situation -- in some cases being the sole provider for children -- single working moms have traditionally been offered and have accepted less pay than their male counterparts."

"Notwithstanding laws governing equal pay, some employers still discriminate and there's very little you can do about it."

"If the job is supportive of your parenting responsibilities, then it's wise to wear this discrimination with as much good grace as you can."

"A supportive workplace is worth far, far more than you can ever imagine," says Patience, "and in the case of a single working mothers the grass is never greener."