Deliberate alienation

When the small accountancy company Vanessa had worked for was taken over by a big corporation she was separated from her former colleagues during the move to the new company and found herself working in alien territory.

"All of my life I’ve felt like I don’t quite fit in with people," explains Vanessa, "so this new situation is the worst possible thing that could happen to me. I am stuck in an open plan office with a team of people doing different work to mine."

"I discussed the problem with my husband, John, and he thinks that my old team has deliberately alienated me," says Vanessa. "His advice is for me to ask for a transfer to the team section in which I am presently situated and to cut ties completely with my former colleagues."

"John feels that if management does not grant me this reasonable request then I should at least be given my own office and secretary and I agree with him," says Vanessa. "It's all very well having more money and staff benefits but if I'm miserable, what's the use of working?"

"Actually, John doesn’t particularly want me to work," laughs Vanessa, "he’d much prefer me to stay home and devote myself to him and the kids - and that’s a great fallback should I be forced to quit this job."

"But I need to be with people," explains Vanessa. "With the kids at school I’d be very lonely being home by myself all day."

“Like most working mothers, I want to work for my own fulfillment as well as for social interaction,” says Vanessa, “and employers really should be more considerate about where they place their new employees - especially those from a take-over and most especially their female staff.”

"I think my situation would be awful for anybody," says Vanessa, "but for someone like me who has been through a lonely childhood being deliberately alienated at work is the sort of stuff from which nightmares are made."

Read more about Vanessa's situation:

A lonely only child

alien territory

Sad sacks at work

As sympathetic as co-workers and supervisors can be, there is a limit to what they can tolerate and having a sad sack or a mad cow in their midst is not good for morale or productivity and Delores, 48, needs to seek medical or psychological help for her problems.

“Right now, I’m going through a difficult separation from an abusive husband – as well as dealing with the menopause,” explains Delores, “and as much as I believe in keeping my professional and personal lives separate, is not always possible to keep quiet about terrible things that are happening in your private life when you have to spend 8 hours with people every day.”

“It just spills over whether you mean it to or not.”

“I did advise my supervisor of my separation before the terrible incident at work happened – when my abusive husband turned up at work and harassed me,” says Delores, “and she was sympathetic, but it was only after the incident happened that I was offered leave from work.”

“In abusive marital situations such as mine it takes more than a few days or a few weeks to sort things out,” sighs Delores. “It takes years. Sometimes it takes a lifetime.”

“If my ex is not going to spend time in prison for his assaults on me, then I will definitely have to seek medical and psychological help for the incredible stress I have to endure from him,” says Delores. “Also, it’s not fair that my co-workers have to be exposed to the troubles in my life - I am sure they have their own problems to deal with.”

Read more by Delores on this situation:

mad cows

a wounded, divided life

menopausal mad cow

mad old cows at work

alien territory

Vanessa is 38, married with two children, and her working life was great until the small accountancy company she had worked for since graduating was taken over by a big corporation.

"I was thrilled to pieces when I heard about the take-over," admits Vanessa. "It meant more prestige, more benefits, more money and more opportunities for advancement."

"My joy turned to dismay when the move took place and I was not assigned an office of my own as befitting my seniority," says Vanessa, "and if that wasn't bad enough I was separated from my former colleagues and seated by myself in a section of the new workplace that had no bearing at all on what I was doing."

"I felt like I was in alien territory," explains Vanessa. "The people in the section I was seated with were pleasant enough, saying good-morning and good-night, but they didn’t include me in their normal work chit-chat and I suppose they resented my presence among them."

"Also," adds Vanessa, "because I wasn’t working alongside people who were doing the same work as myself, I missed out on their normal team activities, too."

"A whole day could pass by without anyone speaking to me," says Vanessa, "and if I didn't make a point to visit the stationery room and chat to the young girl there I'd go mad.”

"I'm sure she's as embarrassed as I am about the chats we have - her being a clerk and me being an accountant - but that's about the only social life I get around here."

"Whenever I need administrative assistance or feedback," says Vanessa, "I have to walk up a floor and right to the back of the building in order to talk to my old boss and the admin team. Already they are treating me like a stranger!"

"This is turning out to be a toxic situation for me to be in," says Vanessa. "I am losing interest in my work and I feel very strange being with people, and yet not being with them."

Read more about Vanessa's situation:

A lonely only child

Deliberate alienation